Awake from the Deep
by rainingWolf
Summary: (Space was fascinating, breathtaking, inspiring, exciting, and limitless… but not anymore.) For #kuroweek2k17. Day 1- Madness.


For kuroweek2k17: Day 1- Madness.

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Space was fascinating, breathtaking, inspiring, exciting, and limitless… but not anymore.

* * *

His dreams were messy, chaotic, jolting him from sleep to wearily blink at the light attached to the high ceiling. He's not sure how long time had passed since blackness and blinking whiteness frightened him. The only constant is the hissing of synthetic air pumping into his chamber.

He breathed, saw Galras through the darkness of closed eyelids, and surfaced from the deep.

Shiro sat through the tests because they were necessary. He sat through the second round because Allura had told him to and because they were apparently still necessary.

He pretended not to see Pidge's shadow through the closed door as Coran examined him. He pretended not to see Keith's bloodless hand wrapped around Lance's when they lingered within shouting distance of the room at all times. He pretended not to see Hunk's growing pile of dishes and echoing soft sighs.

"Shiro," Coran said softly, legs dangling off the bed Shiro had been given but refused to use. He wasn't an invalid. He still had two strong legs so he looked up from his chair into familiar purple eyes and tried not to think of another pair of purple eyes that had took his arm.

"It would really help us figure out what happened if you'd tell me everything you remember about the- the incident," Coran ended, slightly awkward because nobody had figured out what to call Shiro's kidnapping without sounding insensitive.

"Already told you." Shiro shrugged and ignored the tremors riding down his right shoulder to his arm and hand. Coran was quiet for a pointed moment and Shiro imagined he was resisting a frustrated sigh.

The sound of air filling the room from the vents grew louder.

"I'm familiar with research and experiments performed for deeply integrated-" Coran paused, lips puckering unpleasantly before he continued- "I know you're not telling us everything-"

He was cut off again, but this time because Shiro said, "You've got everything you need to know," in a tight voice; they both don't mention that the tremors in his right hand got worse as time went on.

"Shiro-"

" _No_. Some things aren't meant to be shared."

Shiro didn't want them to know. Didn't want them to understand that he'd screamed and begged and cried. That he'd lost control of his body before he'd lost control of his mind. That he'd woken up in a cage tethered to strangers.

He didn't want them to know.

He didn't want Allura to know.

"If you ever decide that you need to share-" Coran started and Shiro couldn't help the coldness that snuck into his sharp bark of laughter. He shook his head and refused to look up at the Altean.

"It's done," Shiro said with finality. "Nothing to do but move forward."

Coran was smart enough to drop it and at that moment, his image almost seemed to waver but Shiro gave it no heed as he breathed, heard dark laughter, and surfaced from the deep once again.

When he opened his eyes again, alert but still cold despite the humming of warm air being pushed into the room, Allura sat in Coran's previous place, hands coming up to click something on the holographic computer. The corner of her eyes were pinched and she looked drawn. Weary. Shiro scanned the room again, just to be sure he hadn't missed some sign of danger at first glance, and then sat up.

His back creaked in protest from staying in one position for too long in a chair but he refused to let discomfort show as Allura, without looking up from the projections in the air, said, "You're on stand down until this can be resolved."

Something ugly reared in him but he kept it down as he blinked, confused at the words rather than the lack of a softer greeting. "I can do my job, Princess."

"Until Coran can tell me that you're no longer a risk to yourself or others, I cann-"

"A risk?" The ugliness ran through his throat and frothed at his mouth and for the first time in a long time, anger bubbled up from beneath the surface; Shiro rose up and towered over the Altean, clenching his fists and still ignoring the tremors riding down his arm. "I'm not a _risk_. I've done my duty for the past few months before this happened, _Princess_ , and I haven't managed to kill myself yet!"

The humming of air sliding into the room suddenly seem to stop as Allura froze, eyes flashing with a new kind of fear that Shiro didn't understand right away but knew enough to be wary of. He didn't look away from her as Allura deliberately stood and moved out from behind the holographic screens.

"Is that something you've actively tried to accomplish, Shiro?" Her voice was forcibly calm, the way it gets every time they were on a mission and had no room for error.

The answer to her question came out as shattered laughter. "What? Kill myself? No. I might have deserved all this-" and Shiro lifted his clearly trembling right hand up to both their faces- "but-"

"You did not deserve this, Shiro!"

Allura was suddenly in his face, spitting like an angry lioness, eyes smouldering with pent up rage as she planted a hand on Shiro's chest and shoved him back hard until the wall caught him. Shiro didn't resist because it was the Princess but his chest where she touched him suddenly felt tight. He dropped his aching right hand and hung it loose at his side, not caring about the flaring of the ever-present ache of healing injuries. He felt the hand on his chest rise and fall with every breath and waited.

Allura… Allura looked furious. Her face was flushed, her eyes unmoving as she stared darkly at Shiro. Her body was tensed, her fingers pressing ever deeper onto his chest. It took one, two, three slow deep inhalations before the rage wallowing in Allura was pushed below the surface and the royal demeanour was put back in place.

When she stepped away, Shiro missed the heat of her hand, the strength of it bruising him and leaving an almost permanent mark on him.

"You did _not_ deserve this, Shiro." Her words were spoken softly and with conviction, as if she actually believed what she said. Shiro heard her words but hearing and 54 days (and counting) of believing were two different monsters.

Her eyes were still pinned on him but he could no longer afford to look back as his right arm violently shivered, almost ripping itself out of joint in its convulsions. The sound of air in the room that was silent before seemed to increase out of nowhere until all he could hear was the hissing sound of synthetic air.

"You did- deserve this, Shiro." Allura's voice stilted for a second before it warped, the tone of voice changing from determination to snide cruelty. Allura's image flickered once, twice, before blurring out to be replaced by Haggar.

Shiro breathed, choked, and surfaced from the deep as the witch's voice cackled and seeped into his skin.

"Oh Shiro, did you really think that was real?"

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\- The concept was that Shiro was hallucinating the entire rescue scene. He was actually in the grasp of Zendark and Haggar after he disappeared from the cockpit of Black in the cliffhanger of s2.

\- Hope it makes sense.

\- Reviews are much appreciated.

\- Hope you guys like it. :)


End file.
